Day One

Today... today was my first day as a vegan. And since I've failed to record my reasoning thus far for arriving at this decision, I'm trying to stave off future regret by documenting a bit of my journey of change.

I've been toying with the idea of becoming a vegetarian for a few years now. Between the ethical reasons, the environmental reasons, the health reasons, and the religious reasons, I've concluded that this is the right thing for me. I hadn't planned on being a vegan; I was content to still eat milk and eggs and whatever because I felt there was less cruelty involved with them, especially since I was buying organic/free-range/cage-free/grass-fed/whatever. But the more research I did, the more I allowed myself to acknowledge the things I'd suspected but not taken the time to confirm, the more I realized that, in order to feel peace with myself, I needed to go beyond vegetarian and do my best to live a vegan lifestyle. I know there's a lot of debate about what makes somebody a vegan, but the conclusion I've arrived at is that it's closed for debate. I'm still deciding what that term means to me, but with time, I'll figure it out exactly and do that which is comfortable for me.

But in the mean time, here I am. A Day One vegan. It's strange to feel both liberated and confined. I've pretty much always been passionate about cooking food and the experience of eating and to know that so many things are off-limits now is a weird thought. I guess it shouldn't be too weird; I'm Mormon. You'd think I'd be used to the idea of not being able to consume certain things. But for a girl who usually subsides on a bowl of cereal with milk and loves cheese as much as Disneyland, knowing those aren't things I'm likely to taste again is kind of bizarre.

But then I stop to consider the reasons why I'm doing this and I realize that even though I love the flavor of a medium rare steak and there's something ultimately satisfying about a glass of cold skim milk with a fresh chocolate chip cookie, there way that those delicious tastes are made available is not something I'm comfortable supporting and promoting. The truth of where those things come from makes them so much less appealing. I might miss them for a minute, but consideration given to the process of ascertaining them helps chase that longing away.

Regardless of the craving, I'm sure there's some vegetarian hack out there for me to satiate myself with, so I'm not too concerned. Though I should be straightforward in admitting that my main personal goal in this whole thing is to become healthier. I'm not looking for a bunch of weird "meat" products that have 60 ingredients I don't recognize, or cheese that has to entice people into believing "it melts." I'm a whole foods kind of girl. I don't want to become a starchatarian who doesn't eat meat but doesn't eat vegetables. No, thanks. My goal is to rid myself of the guilt that comes from animal-based products and reap the benefits that come from eating a plant-based diet. Because, let's face it, I'm not healthy. I weigh 220lbs at 5'5. I exercise occasionally, but not as vigorously as I used to. I am tired all of the time. My back and knees hurt. My feet hurt all of the time! I don't know what the deal is with it, but sometimes I'm afraid to take a step when I'm holding my baby for fear of falling. It's no bueno. I also have skin issues with random rashes and eczema. I'm positive that my cholesterol is high, though blood testing next week will confirm it. I also suspect I have some level of insulin resistance, based on a lot of research done after failing to breastfeed two children due to insufficient milk supply. More on that later. I'm also looking to kick a serious sugar addiction and eventually convert myself to being a strictly plant-based eater with a once-in-a-blue-moon treat. I want to be healthy. I want to feel good about my body and my choices. And I want to know that I'm helping create a better existence for myself and the rest of God's creatures.

I think it can be done. I hope it can be done. Because the wheel is in motion and I don't want it to stop. Today's eating wasn't the best it could've been, but it also could've been worse. To recap:

Weight: 220lbs approx. (must buy scale battery!)
Breakfast: steel cut oats w/ almonds, mixed berries, coconut, cinnamon, chia seeds, and hemp seeds.
Lunch: peanut butter & jelly sandwich w/ apple sauce
Dinner: pasta w/ vegetable marinara sauce, huge spinach salad with bell peppers, tomatoes, carrots, red onion, olives, cashews, and a balsamic vinegar dressing.
Snack: farro w/ vegetables
Lots of water

I know, I know. Too much grain. But it's a start and pretty much everything here was healthy, aside from the white bread I ate my sandwich on. But in terms of vegan requirements, not too shabby. Plus there's like seven servings of produce in there, so I'm going to declare it a decent day. Probably pretty similar to what we'll have tomorrow night.

Speaking of tomorrow, it's almost then. So I'm off to bed now. Another goal of mine is to get more sleep at night, though having an almost-8-month-old and an early-riser 3.5 year old helps nothing. But a girl can dream. And so shall I.

Till next time.